Lamentations of me

Sometimes i give my best,
Expecting the best in return,
Retrogressing to the days of barter,
I struggle so hard to please,
To put smiles in the people i love,
Or we imagine i love,
I sacrifice my integrity at the stake of illusions,
I pronounce everyone trustworthy untill proven o'wise,
I lose friends for a friend,
I strain my heart to care for the uncarable,
I get baptised through pain daily,
If only to emerge unscathed the next day,
Yet it never dawns,
I promise myself that this time it was the right decision,
But!
ALAS!
Another Faux Pax or how do they Say in Paris?
The vicious cycle of pain get replayed,
With the same same rules;
NO RULES
Get hurt and don't tell,
Pretend to be happy,
Pretend that all is okay.
But it is not!
But show me Gold that was refined by a candle,
What I have gone through is Simply put;
NOTHING.
I must CHOOSE to live today now,
For yestercares and scares are looooong gone,
And tomorrow is TOMORROW!
Just unknown!
With every step i take today,
Every breath i breath today,
Every hurt i heal today,
Every smile i put on someone's face today,
Is being recorded in my history book that will be authored tomorrow.
With a great pain i must learn to forgive those who have bruised my ego,
And put such a big dent in my heart,
For who knows what purpose God placed them straight in the path of my life?
I don't!
Neither do you!